Sugar & Spice

Surgery is over and Inarah is recovering well

noreply@blogger.com (Shamira) — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 01:30:00 +0000

I have to apologise to all for such a long silence. The important thing is that surgery went well and we are back home and Inarah is recovering well.

If she was fully clothed, you wouldn't be able to guess that she went through a open heart surgery.

Thank you for all your prayers and support. I really feel that it's everyone's prayers that pulled all of us though.

I did update on the events that took place at the hospital and will upload that as well as some pictures soon.

Thank you again

HE just knows best

noreply@blogger.com (Shamira) — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 16:26:00 +0000

Just as we were all packed, the hospital called to infomrm that due to another emergency case, Inarah's op has to be moved to Friday.

There was an amazing sense of relief. HE just knew I needed this day and the day was just great. I was very calm and relaxed and got to spend a lot of time with both my girls as I was off work. Played board games, read lots of books, watched some TV with them, got them dressed like princesses and went for prayers.

So we are set again to leave for the hospital tomorrow for admission and the surgery is now scheduled for 9 am on 10th of Oct, Friday.

Please keep this little girl in your prayers, that everything goes well and she recovers well.

The Big Day is here

noreply@blogger.com (Shamira) — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 08:01:00 +0000

I am trying very hard to stay calm whist preparing for surgery. But it’s been so difficult. I am all nerves Sleep has been very restless. Work's been busy and I have to e thankful for that co'z it keeps me away from thinking about it again and again.

I see this image of my baby in the IT getting knocked out by the strawberry flavored gas and has no clue as to what is happening or about to happen. This image is from the last time she was there for the catheterization procedure. And just that image scares me so much. Will I be able to see this through without breaking down? I can’t. I have to be strong for her for everyone else.

We are supposed to check in by 1pm tomorrow.

Please pray for Inarah that her surgery is a complete success, that she recovers well and is back home with her family and friends living a normal healthy life.

I read this in Evan's blog and it's exactly what I need to know

I am not skilled to understand
What God has willed, what God has planned
I only know at his right hand
Stands one who is my savior

We have a surgery date

noreply@blogger.com (Shamira) — Sat, 27 Sep 2008 04:30:00 +0000

We have a surgery date, its 9th Oct. A week after Hari Raya. Hari Raya is going to be very different this year. Its going to be us waiting in anticipation and worry for the date. Will try to keep her home and away from crowds and kinds.

She is well right now and hopefully remains well till surgery.

We just found out that the cardiologist will usually recommend the elder sibling to be off school for 2 months co'z that's where the infections will come from. Thank goodness school ends in a month. I gave Alysha the option of going to school and stay at her grandma or off school and stay at home. She wants to go to school. She must really love this school and her friends.

Please keep her in your prayers and pray that we all have the strength to see this through.

Postponement of Surgery

noreply@blogger.com (Shamira) — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 03:27:00 +0000

Sorry for the delay. Things are little chaotic. Inarah is still not recovered from her very bad bout of infection. Had to go see Dr. Lim for another round of antibiotics.

So this is really a continuation from the last post and I have to apologize to some who thought that we proceeded with the surgery.

The nurse came every ½ hour to check on her leg coz they could not feel a pulse on one of her feet. Then Dr. Lim came in a rush which alarmed me immediately, I think it was 1 a.m. He said they are going to put her on “heparin” as she seem to have a clot somewhere in her leg and they cant feel her pulse on her feet. Her right foot was cold. If heparin does not work they have to put her on another medication (just can remember it now) which will thin her blood and open up her veins. If they need to use that medication, surgery is off for 3 weeks at least.

If heparin works, she will bleed at the spot where the vein is punctured and that’s good news. It means the blood is flowing well.

Of course we were not supposed to sleep that night and watch out for the bleeding upon which they would stop the medication. I could not have slept having her in that condition anyway. Heparin was supposed to be on for 24 hours.

But after 8 hours and no pulse at the feet still Dr Lim decided to proceed with the 2nd medication. He looked at me or rather the state of me and decided to put her in the high dependency unit so that there was a dedicated nurse for her.

16 hours later, per pulse was back and strong as in the left feet. We were back in the ward and Inarah was back being herself. Surgery was off. We were discharged after 3 nights. And then next day she catches a horrible infection, fever, cough, lots and lots of phlegm that made her vomit every time she coughed.

So here I am thinking surgery would have been off anyway with this kind of infection. It’s just meant to be. Now we have to get another date. And I would like to wait till Dec if possible coz we have a religious thing in Nov possibly.

But while she was ill in this past week, she has been so frail and tired at times with her finger nails showing blueness.

So here I am in a situation where I have to now decide again whether to proceed with surgery right after raya in Oct or wait till Dec.

She is recovering better now, no more fever. It’s just the cough that will hopefully start subsiding with the new anti biotic.

Thanks for all the prayers and concerns that I have been receiving through SMSs and e mail. Please continue to keep her in your prayers. Will try and post some pictures of her after the procedure when she was in high spirits. That’s all me managed to catch.

It finally here-Cath and Surgery date

noreply@blogger.com (Shamira) — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 02:00:00 +0000

It’s finally here. Inarah’s surgery or rather it was here. We had to postpone it. I know it's confusing. Please bear with me. I'll start from the begining. I did not blog about it earlier coz I just could get myself to do it yet, I think.

Inarah’s cardiologist finally said very firmly, fix a date for surgery. It’s no point waiting. Her heart is ready-fully developed.

We had a date for surgery for the 5th of Sept and for the cardiac cath on 3rd. And then we were all preparing for it, mentally and emotionally, or rather thinking that we were preparing for it. But you can never prepare for something like this, especially if it’s our first time and we have no clue what to expect.

Did all that I need to do. Made arrangements for mom to sleep over, drive Alysha to school, got my leave papers approved. Met up with the surgeon for a chat.

Nice guy, Lee Weng Seng, in his early 50’s but looks much younger. It was an interesting meeting. We walked in and he said “yes, what can I do for you ? Looks like a straight forward case, what do you want to know?”

Of course, we wanted to know everything. But I didn’t know where to start. After warming up bit, he started talking. Giving us statistics on why we should do the surgery now and not wait any longer, talking about brain abscess and other risks. Then telling us what to expect after surgery in terms of recovery. It was a very short meeting, less than 15 min at the end of which I don’t know if I felt any better about the whole thing. But it was sure that we just have to go ahead with it this year.

Hospital called on the 26th and said we can do the cath on the 28th. Called my Suben and he said it’s too soon and I said yes, I agree. But both of us knew that it was not. We had a day to digest it and Inarah was well, so it’s the best time to do it.

Got admitted by 1p.m.. Had to keep her off food and drinks which was okay and she had a good meal before that. I left the room when they put in the IV line. Suben stayed. She did not even flinch. Just smiled at Suben when it was done. And from then, I knew this little girl is going to be the bravest, strongest girl I will ever know.

Took her to the OT for the cath and good thing the anesthetist let me in. For a while she looked like she was going to tear when she thought I was going to leave her there. They let me put her on the table and hold the mask on her. In less than 20 sec she was out.

It took an hour for the cardiologist to come out and tell us that there were 2 other narrowing that the echo did not show and that the surgeon will tell us tomorrow how he plans to do the surgery. I could hear her crying for me after a while. It was horrible. She must have felt so confused once she came out of the anesthetic. The minute I went to her, she asked me to carry her. I was so afraid that I might hurt her. But they told me to go ahead. I carried her to the room and she cried to sleep.

She woke in 2 hours or so asking for milk and water and cried herself to sleep again when she realized she was not getting any for a while. Somehow, even though she was groggy and all she understood after a while when I told her that she has to wait to drink or eat. After a while, she just slept which made it easy for all of us.

Once she ate and drank she was in good spirit and back to her normal self and I was amazed by the fact that she was just so okay, happy, just her cheerful self again. It’s amazing how strong she is. It puts me to shame.

Now that I am writing this, I feel I can talk about it without any emotions. But the feelings involved are indescribable. I was scared then angry then calm and then nothing for a while and then when I saw her crying after the procedure, I had to hold back my tears and be strong for her.

One thing for sure, I am so glad she is 3 months short of being 3 years. I really don’t know how I would handle it if I had to explain to her why is this all happening to her. Why does her heart need fixing.

I’ll post again on what happened next.

Convent Bukit Nanas vs SRK Bukit Damansara

noreply@blogger.com (Shamira) — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 03:39:00 +0000

Alysha goes to Std 1 next year. I am so confused as I have had good reviews about both schools.

So if you have had direct experience with either or know people who have their kids there. Pls do let me know.

I know some of you might think "Aiya! what's the big deal. But really now a days from what I know it is a big deal and the wrong school can really screw things up.

All for a hug

noreply@blogger.com (Shamira) — Fri, 25 Jan 2008 01:54:00 +0000

Seen this morning. A 5 year old refusing to share her cup with her 2 year old sister. 2 year old sister ran behind the couch with a grumpy face. 5 year old sister went behind the sofa and said "Ben (sister in gujerati) will share it with you if you give me a big hug" 2 year old grins and hugs her sister so tight the cup and the sisters fell on the floor laughing.

And all I am thinking while watching this is "Wonder if it gets better than this if I had another one?"

Ms. Mousy the bully

noreply@blogger.com (Shamira) — Fri, 25 Jan 2008 01:39:00 +0000

Alysha is becoming quite of a bully. Initially I was just surprised as I always feared that Ms. Mousy would be the one being bullied in school. But this mouse is roaring quite a bit now.

I have seen her bully Gitanjali, Inaya, Kakak Siti and now she has moved on to Inarah. She messes with her hair, pulls her pants down, snatches things from her, says nasty things, manipulates her and all kinds of stuff that I never would have thought my 5 year old little mousy was capable of. Sri did mention that she does it only with those whom she is comfortable with.

The past 2-3 weeks have been difficult on me and Inarah. Inarah for being bullied and me for trying not to intervene so much and hoping its just sisters discovering their boundaries with each other. Inarah of course throws a fit, bites, cries and comes running to me for rescue when she is bullied.

So what do I do here? I started by telling Alysha that its not a nice thing to do, Inarah does not like it and that she should stop it. But it didn't work. I then started scolding her, again threatening punishment and I have even spanked her for it. It still has not stopped. I am not there all the time so there has to be a way of managing this without my presence.

What would you do?

Losing it, over a napkin

noreply@blogger.com (Shamira) — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 06:55:00 +0000

You know I am a good mom. Pleasant, patient, well manered, caring, open to reason, you can go on.

And I was doing all those things when I took my my 5 year old and 2 year old to IKEA. And so we all had a great time, you know, hot dogs for lunch followed by ice cream, singing in the car all the way home. And so it's only natural to expect the day to end in a equally pleasent mood.

So we get home and excitedly open up this colorful storage thing that we bought from IKEA, which I had intended to use as a laundry basket for the kids and placed it in the room.

And so, my 2 year old is so exited and wasted no time putting a napkin in which she used to wipe her wet hands. A while later my 5 year old changes her clothes and puts them in the laundry basket and "RAAAAAAAAAAAH". No, not Harry's dinasour but something had got into my 5 year old. She roared, she wailed, she screamed, she stomped and did every single thing that I did not expect her to do.

All for the fact that there was a NAPKIN IN THE LAUNDRY BASKET. Its not a place for napkin. Its only for clothes.

So what would a pleasant, patient, well manered, caring, open to reason mom like me do? Let her finish throwing her tantrum and patiently reason with her about the napkin, something like that right?. But it's the way she did the whole thing, showing she was incharged and she decided what went where. Now that really threw me off. And so there was a need, an overwhelming need to exert my authority as her mother, as the person whose rules you follow. And as much as she insisted that the NAPKIN should be OUT I ensured that it remained IN. And needless to say that I won the battle shamelessly exerting my authority as an adult, threatening punishment and injury, for which I am so very shameful now.

Why does it happen? Why do we end up like this? I really don't know. She is clearly behaving like a 5 year old but why do I feel the need to behave like one as well?

Tipping Point

noreply@blogger.com (Shamira) — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 08:46:00 +0000

Events in the past one month have brought me to the tipping point

What events? you ask, here's a summary so that I don’t forget.

1. We are all just sick - 2 bouts of bronchitis (me), 3 asthma attacks(Alysha), chicken pox (hubby), high blood pressure and anxiety (mom and also me for having to live with her)
2. Suryani (my maid of 4 years, my partner in parenting and household crisis management) left for Indonesia for good
3. My MIL's maid was packed away for good which means she is staying with us, no need to mention further
4. Inarah has stopped eating again and has lost weight - this stresses me up the most
5. Either there is such a thing as terrible five which the books just don’t mention or Alysha is reacting to Suryani leaving very badly. We have yet again lost connection and at the moment it feels like we are never going to get it back.
6. We are staying with my mom in a very tiny room which is like an oven, dealing with her nagging since hubby has chicken pox
7. I am physically, emotionally and mentally tired - running up and down to send and pick Alysha from school, send food to MIL and hubby, work was ultra busy last month not showing any signs of slowing down till December.
8. I have had no sleep with the bronchitis and asthma and fasting month and all the running around
9. I am sure I have forgotten another 5 things that happened

I knew why I wanted put it all in writing coz firstly I will forget this phase in the next few months. Secondly but most importantly I need to remind myself that this is temporary and things will be back to normal again.

And it was just last night when I was having a long conversation with hubby on the phone while watching my 2 kids asleep in bed and thinking of how blessed I am.

You've just got to try this

noreply@blogger.com (Shamira) — Mon, 02 Jul 2007 01:22:00 +0000

I am serious. Just go ahead and try this receipe

6 cups rolled oats -- not quick-cooking or instant
2 cups mixed nuts and seeds: sunflower seeds -- sesame seeds, chopped walnuts, pecans, almonds or cashews.
1 cup dried unsweetened shredded coconut -- optional
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon -- or to taste
dash of salt
½ to 1 cup honey or maple syrup -- or to taste
1 cup raisins or chopped dried fruit -- optional

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. In a bowl, combine oats, nuts and seeds, coconut, cinnamon, salt and sweetener. Place on a sheet pan (lightly oiled) and put in oven. Bake for 20 minutes or a little longer, stirring occasionally. Mixture should brown evenly; the browner it gets without burning, the crunchier the granola will be.

2. Remove pan from oven and add raisins or dried fruit. Cool on a rack, stirring once in a while until granola reaches room temperature. Transfer to a sealed container and store in refrigerator; it will keep indefinitely.

No oil, No sugar. Guilt free and so yummy. Great snack for kids.

I mixed Golden syrup and honey coz didnt have enough goldern syrup. The only mistake I made was that I made half the protion coz I wanted to try the receipe out first. Its almost all gone. Have to make another batch soon. Like today.

Meanwhile, went to one of the Taman Tun parks with Manju, Sri and the kids. What a wonderful experience. Was so happy that we have something so wonderful around. I guess there are many others. We just dont explore enough. For more info on the trip, go to Manju's blog coz I am rushing for a meeting

Till next time

Prayer for another heart baby

noreply@blogger.com (Shamira) — Wed, 30 May 2007 06:22:00 +0000

We have another heart baby , Elijah. He's got TOF like Inarah but with an extra complication of pulmunary atresia. He had a corrective surgery 5 days ago. We know of the risk of a stroke and infections in this surgery. There are many many complications that can arise. This fighter is having a difficult time. Everytime I read details of the surgery and see his pictures in tubes and all , I just cry and cry my heart out. Please pray that his recovery process goes smoothly.

Meanwhile, I just got back from my holiday at Pangkor. It was a good trip for me but kids just had a blast. Alysha just refused to get out of the beach and Inarah cried everytime I got her out of the pool.

Will post pictures when I get the time. Meanwhile, these were taken from the hp.

Alysha focused

Inarah's laugh
The cheeky little one.

Mothers Day

noreply@blogger.com (Shamira) — Mon, 14 May 2007 01:48:00 +0000

On Saturday, I had bought and packed the gifts for the trip to UMMC to celebrate Mothers day with mothers who have been by the bedside of the little ones tirelessly caring for them for days, months and some even years. Its called the Mothering Mothers Project that MMB embarks on every year.

Saturday night while in bed I was recalling the moms I had met a 2 years ago. I didn't go last year as I was still recovering from having to deal with Inarah's condition.

I remember a mom who was feeding milk to her 4 year old partially paralysed son, from the bottle. He was obviously quite heavy but she had him in her arms probably for hours feeding him (coz it took him forever to drink). She was talking to me about how it happened; half crying, half embarrassed about crying to a stranger.

I remember a mom who was playing and laughing with her daughter on the bed. You would have never known that the daughter has leukemia and her mother is there by her side going through treatment after treatment; keeping both their spirits alive.

There were many many more but I dont think I can talk about it coz as I am writing this, I cant stop my tears from flowing.

I remember holding in my tears back after meeting each mom and giving them the presents and wishing them Happy Mothers Day.

Saturday night as I feel asleep, thinking about these moms and my trip the next day, I woke up crying. I cant remember the dream but I could remember having Inarah in my arms and running and that's it.

I decided not to go for the visit. I went with Alysha much earlier, left the gifts with the security guard and a note of apology for Ros. I dont think I would have been able to take it. I would have just broken down and cried all the way and that's the last thing you want to do with mothers who are trying very hard not to cry in front of their children.

Its a great gesture to have gifts beautifully wrapped for them to bring a smile on their faces. And thank you MMB for this. But Mothers don't need gifts. All they want is for their children to be happy, healthy and safe.

And that is all that I wished for on Mothers Day. That is all that I pray for.

I am into baking

noreply@blogger.com (Shamira) — Tue, 08 May 2007 07:29:00 +0000

I have been visiting food blogs lately. I love food, I like cooking but I have realized that I love baking.

It started because Inarah does not eat much, all the good stuff, vege, sweet potato, oats, tofu, honey, yoghurt – basically all the good stuff that you would want a toddler to eat. She doesn’t. On the other hand, Alysha loves food, anything at all, mostly sweet stuff. She loves snacking on cookies, buns, choc muffins, twiggies, etc – stuff she will easily get at my mom's no matter how much I try and stop it.

See my predicament, one kid who loves eating and easily puts on weight (just like me), one kid who we have to trick into eating and we celebrate when she finally puts on a few ounces.

Anyway, I started baking for them. I figured if I give Alysha good and healthy home made snacks she will not eat all that other junk and I can disguise all the good stuff that Inarah does not eat.

So this is what I have baked so far. They are all low sugar and I don’t get to have more than once slice of it coz it just disappears as soon as its out of the oven. That’s also because I usually save some for Sri, Gitanjali, Alysha’s other friends at religious class and school and my mom. So you see, its also community service:

Oatmeal and coconut crunchie
Oatmeal and banana muffin
Oatmeal and prune muffin
Sweet Potato muffin
Tofu patties
Banana bread pudding
Oatmeal and raisin cookies

This is what is next on the list :

Orange cake (for my mom - mothers day)
Pumpkin Pie – (specially for Inarah)
Banana Nut bread
Oatmeal and yoghurt muffin
Cinnamon roll
Peanut butter muffin (specially for Inarah)
Strawberry chocolate upside down cake (for me and Sri- will try and keep it away from the kids)

As for me, I have been losing some weight. I have started yoga which I like very much. Makes me feel a lot lighter and flexible. I am doing some swimming which I plan to do more of and drinking lots of water (thanks to Sri’s water therapy advise). I also am drinking some herbalife shake on days when there is nothing exciting for lunch/dinner and I am not too hungry. I am doing it very inconsistently though so don’t know if that’s working. The best part about losing weight this time is that it does not feel like I am on a weight loss mission (which is usually the case). Just eating smart (less carbo), which probably means pretty slow weight loss but I am in no hurry. And I am nowhere close to giving up my "cha" and whatever goes with it, oh! and also chocolates

Now you are wondering, how I am going to be losing weight while baking all that stuff, right? I am wondering too . But the thing is the stuff is so yummy that there is never enough to go around, let alone have an extra slice and its low sugar, remember!

Will let you know that outcome of my weight loss as well as of the success of my baking expedition, soon.

Alysha with her magic wand

noreply@blogger.com (Shamira) — Mon, 19 Mar 2007 06:20:00 +0000

Was putting Alysha and Inarah to nap on Saturday afternoon. Nap times are getting more and more challenging with both of them napping together.

Anyway, Alysha was upset as I kept getting her to be quiet and lie down even if she did not want to nap.

She had her little magic wand with her.

Alysha : "If you get me to sleep I will change you into a leopard."
Me : I could eat you up if I was a leopard"
Alsyha : I will change you into a cat.
Me : "Meeaaww"
Alysha : I will give you so many kittens so you have sooooo much work.

Totally cracked me up.

I guess she does realise how challenging and tiring it can be to raise children like her.

Blogging is therapeutic

noreply@blogger.com (Shamira) — Fri, 16 Mar 2007 09:49:00 +0000

I really feel better, a little refresed after all that posting. Umm, it may be true. blogging may truely be therapeutic.

Have a great weekend, everyone

The little entertainer, Inarah

noreply@blogger.com (Shamira) — Fri, 16 Mar 2007 09:27:00 +0000

I am on the roll here, so bear with me. I just could not end the week without writing about the latest and greatest of my darling Inarah.

1. She has learnt how to pretend cry. She goes around with this sad look on her face trying to imitate herself crying. it sounds somewhat like an owl hooting, really "hooooo..."

2. She goes around shaking her head saying, "na, na, na, na" for no when she does not want something or does not want to give you something back, like the remote control.

3. She points at hubby's nipples and goes, "mik, mik" for milk, cracke me up :)

4. She points the remote to the air cond or Tv and goes, tit, tit. No idea where she got that sound from.

5. She nods her head and says, "k" for okay, when we are explaining something to her or telling her to do something.

6. She loves the book, babybug, where Julie puts teddy in the suitcase and yells "surprise, its teddy" in the next page. She goes "pri" with her hands up in the air.

7. She walks around the house and suddenly squarts. We run to her coz we think she wants to go potty ( trying to toilet train her). She gets up the minute she sees us and gives us this look like she was shitting us. Cheeky little baby.

8. She end mostly all the sentences in her favorite books

"baby's boat is a silver": she says "moo"
"sailing in the" : she says "ky"

"And the quite old lady wispering" : she says "hush" with her finger on her lips.

9. She says "moo" for cow, "quack" for duck, "pak" for chicken, "on" for pig, "aaa" for lion.

10. Like a robot goes into the batnroom after her meals to wash up (with us running behind her) and then to Suryani's room for a change. Without us telling her to.

10a. You really have to see her dancing. She bends down jutting out her butt and truely moves it, her hips moving too. It's just a sight you wouldn't want to miss.

Where did she learn all this. I really dont know. I really have to give credit to Suryani for this. She is puttting into practice what she has learnt in the past three years with Alysha.

I am truly going to miss her. What am I going to do when she leaves. That's another story all together

This age just amazes me. Love this stage compared to the bratty toddler I have. just kidding!

Connecting with Alysha

noreply@blogger.com (Shamira) — Fri, 16 Mar 2007 08:52:00 +0000

And so Alysha is disconnected to me? What ? you ask.

This is how it goes with me. I have the need to connect with ALysha from time to time when I feel she is disconnected to me. I don’t know if other moms feel this and can relate to this or it’s just something that I feel. My personal need.

After I had Inarah, due to the juggling and my inability to slow down and enjoy little precious moments with them, I feel torn between Alysha and Inarah. Inarah needs me most of the time when I am home, coz she is one. Alysha used to need me a lot until I had Inarah and I couldn’t give her the kind of attention I used to. So she has gotten used to it.

I use to come home, have Alysha run to the door to greet me, give me a hug, sit on my lap and tell me about her day or anything that she wants to talk about. Now I come home, Alysha yells Hi! form wherever she is, although I make it a point to go to her and give her a hug. Most of the time she is too busy doing whatever she is doing.She does not even look at me in the eye until I insist sometimes because I want to get a point across and I need her to really listen

Inarah on the other hand wants to nurse as soon as she sees me, so she is in my arms for a good 10-15 min (this is when I feel connected to her) before she goes off to play. .

Maybe its because she is growing up, she is 4 after all. Do 4 year olds still need hugs and kisses as much as 2 year olds? maybe not.

And for me, I need to connect to effectively discipline her. Otherwise I just end up yelling at her and end up with her getting all violent and saying hurtful things. Or maybe she would do that anyway, whether or not I feel connected when I am disciplining her.

Its so much easier having just one kid, where you can focus on her and not feel torn between the two and so many other things.

Oh I dont know, this thing is so difficult. Anyway bottom line, I need to connect. And we will be spending some quality time together , just her and me, tomorrow. And hopefully , it gets easier after that.

Of course I have to keep doing it. Its a continuous process. I just wonder how do people with 3 or 4 kids do it.

Chocolate or a spa experience ?

noreply@blogger.com (Shamira) — Fri, 16 Mar 2007 08:30:00 +0000

I need either now, right now! but the chocolate has to be the real expensive bitter ones, like the Belgian ones they have at Mid valley for RM7 each. which is like oooh lala, you just want to savor every bite.

I make this awesome crunchies, coconut and oatmeal ones. I brought some at work as we were supposed to be in a working meeting all day and in 3 min, it was all gone. This one was good as it had the right amount of sugar. Sri, always complains that anything from my kitchen is usually low sugar which takes away the uummph! so I was generous on the sugar when I made this batch.

But it does not do to me what chocolates does. Of course not ! you would say, if you knew chocolates the way I do.

Anyway, its been a heavy week. With sick kids and work not showing signs of slowing down. Good news though, the forum that we were working towards, for which we were suppose to work over the weekend got postponed to sometime in April.

Yay! Yay !. I have my weekend with kids and Sunday afternoon with hubby. I still have work to do over the weekend but I can do it from home.

My eyes are hot and truly feels like they are on fire. What does that mean, it means I probably need sleep more than the chocolate or the spa. Maybe I need a holiday.

All by myself by the beach, no kids, no hubby, no one. Just me, chocolates, a book ( a few maybe) and the sky and the sea and the breeze and me lying down on the beach on my belly reading my book, while this masseur is oiling and kneading my back for the longest time.

Oh, I want, I want. I want. No. I need, I need, I need.

Ah! Just have to make do with some chocolates, I guess.

My partner in parenting, Part II

noreply@blogger.com (Shamira) — Wed, 14 Mar 2007 06:09:00 +0000

I really have to give credit to hubby for being a wonderful partner to me in caring for my children. Of course, I wont be able to do this without Suryani and my mom.

But hubby has been consistently giving me the support I need to make it through. He has driven up and down dropping things off to Alysha; visiting her; looking after Inarah when I had Suryani over at my mom's to keep Alysha entertained; giving me that occasional, quick back rub after a lousy night (with Inarah up , more than 8 times); and many more thoughtful things.

Of course, there were times, he switched off the lights and blasted the tv so loud that I had to take Inarah to the room until his movie was over. But I guess he needs that to unwind.

And today after seeing the symptoms on Inarah he said "Don't worry, I'll look after her", I was just so touched.

Thank you, jannu. Love you.

Hand Foot & Mouth

noreply@blogger.com (Shamira) — Wed, 14 Mar 2007 05:08:00 +0000

Alysha was diagnosed with HFM last Friday. We were supposed to go off for our Holiday to pangkor on Saturday morning.

I didnt sleep all night, worried and tired. Did all my research and found out all about Coxsackie A16 and and enterovirus 71, totally impressed my pead. I also re-scehduled my trip to may (next school holidays) as I had fully paid for the package.

Saturday onwards I sent Alysha to my moms and Inarah was at home with Suryani, my maid. I travelled up and down every 3 hourly during the day, taking 3-4 showers in between, coz I am so afraid to spread this to Inarah. Thank God Alysha is okay to sleep with my mom. Actually she really likes it coz she gets all pampered.

Thanksfully, she had it quite mild. I would say its probably due to all that fruits and veg she has been eating. She didnt have any fever, has been active as usual and did not complain of any pain, except some discomfort on the first day. But I think that was just to get some ice cream from me as she heard the pead mentioning that its recomended during this time. The sores in the mouth started going off after 3 days and she is now back to normal.

This morning Suryani spotted a spot on Inarah's finger and some redness at the roof of her mouth. So far, no fever. I hugged her so hard and just feel like crying. Inarah is finally at a good weight. You can see it on her. She is even developing a little belly like her sister. And now this!. This will surely bring her down a few kilos.

I am so afraid and worried for her. The last time she was sick she had completely stopped eating. I just cant imagine her in pain with all that sores. We are just praying hard that she has a mild one as well. Hopefully all that immunity that breastmilk is suppose to provide comes handy this time around.

Meanwhile I thought my schedule was already too full for a stressful crisis like this. Work has been ultra busy, with the possibility of having to work over this weekend.

But of course, all I want is to be by my childrens side in times like this.

I also deal with stress pretty badly, so really, any survival tools will be helpful.

Inarah and me

noreply@blogger.com (Shamira) — Wed, 14 Feb 2007 05:11:00 +0000

A picture I have been wanting to post for a while.

Congenital Heart Defect Awareness Day

noreply@blogger.com (Shamira) — Wed, 14 Feb 2007 04:48:00 +0000

Yes, its Valentines Day today and its also Congenital Heart Defect Awareness Day. I was just sitting in front of my pc reflecting on my life since I have had Inarah. How it has changed and how it has changed me.

She just turned one. Time has flown by and I have had a wonderful year with her. She is capable of so much love.

She almost flies into my arms when I get back home from work. When I leave her even for a while, she sprawls on the floor with big huge tears rolling down from her eyes. It truly breaks my heart. She wakes up in the middle of the night just to be sure that I am next to her, snuggles with me and goes back to sleep. When she is up in the morning, all she wants is for me to carry her so that she can plant the sweetest kiss on my lips, point to my nose and say “ose”. And then this little girl with big twinkling eyes smiles at me the sweetest smile I have ever seen; and I know that its all worth it.

I always thought I could not love anyone as I love Alysha. I love Inarah with all my heart and soul. I didn’t know I was capable of loving her so much and just cant imagine life without her. I truly thank God for giving her to me.

I have been truly blessed as she has been keeping well. If everything goes well, surgery will take place only next year. There are many parents who are not so lucky.

There are parents who are at the stage I was a year ago when I was told that she had CHD. I remember feeling frustrated, confused, lost, feeling so much anger and pain. I was just broken for a while. I was one of those who thought that something like this would never happened to me. I was totally oblivious to CHD and what it meant to a parent with a CHD child.

And there are parents who are in hospitals fighting together with their little child who have to go through surgery after surgery.
And there are parents who have lost their children to CHD. I cant even begin to think of the pain they feel.

To all parents with CHD child, I say a special prayer for you and your child today. A special prayer for gavin who has just had a heart surgery and suffered from a mini stroke. (about 10% of heart babies have a stroke during heart surgery).

This is a beautiful poem that I picked up from Evan’s blog that brought tears into my eyes.

Somewhere...someplace... today...
A family is waiting to hear...
Is something wrong with their baby?
The answers aren't quite clear...
This family has entered an unwanted world...
And they just don't know what to expect...
Somewhere...someplace... today
They first heard the words: heart defect.
And how they hoped this was not true...
And thought... this cannot be...
I too... know just how this feels...
For one day...this was me.

Somewhere...someplace...today...
And how they hoped this was not true...
And thought... this cannot be...
I too... know just how this feels...
For one day...this was me.

Somewhere...someplace...today...
A man and a woman embrace...
Their baby is in surgery...
They long to see her face...
They haven't got to hold her yet...
Without...a cord or line...
They pace the room awaiting news...
And hope she'll be just fine.
Prayers fill this busy waiting room...
And mom and dad are scared...
Somewhere...someplace..today...
The tiniest hearts are repaired.

Somewhere...someplace...today...
A child's growing fast...
Smiling,laughing,thriving...
His mom thinks...can this last?
It's almost easy...to forget...
That anything is wrong...
Somewhere...someplace..today...
Her child seems so strong.

Somewhere...someplace... today...
A little boy fights...just to live
A father holds his tiny hand...
His love...all he can give...
The doctor's are all baffled...
They fear that he might die...
Somewhere...someplace...today...
A family says goodbye...

Somewhere...someplace...each year..
More than 40,000 families will see...
What it means...when something's wrong...
They'll face a CHD.
Today...for just a moment...
Stop...remember...reflect...
Make time to tell someone you know...
"I've been changed by a heart defect".

Author - Stephanie Husted

My partner in parenting

noreply@blogger.com (Shamira) — Fri, 12 Jan 2007 02:45:00 +0000

My hubby has never been the kind of father I was hoping my children would have. He was never really involved in the daily care for my first born and from time to time tried to do the parenting thing but I could tell he was doing it either out of guilt (that I made him feel) or duty as a father. I never thought he truely enjoyed doing things with her (except for watching TV, LOL)

And maybe thats the reason he is not very connected to my elder girl. And of course it does not help, when your only daughter says, "I love mama, kakak, nani and everyone except papa" And the more you feel disconnected, the more you would not bother, the more you keep a distance and then it gets worse. Its a visious cycle.

With Inarah, its really different. He told me he wants to do better. I said okay, lets see. He did make an effort, much much more than with Alysha. Until now, you could not really see the results. But now, you can see it. Inarah will gladly run into his arms from mine (most of the time) and really enjoys being with him. He plays with her, tries to feed her, he can even put her to sleep. I am suddenly so impressed.

The other day when she was down with fever and I was holding her most part of the night, at some point of time he came by and took her from me and I could lie down and give my back a rest. Other nights he has volunteered to hold her as well. Like I said, its a cycle. She responds to him and because of that he genuinely likes being with her and wants to do things with her.

For the first time after a long time I feel that I am not doing this alone. I have a partner. I hope its not short lived and will get better. I guess its a learning process for him.