Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Leaving my baby behind

It was not a nice feeling this morning of having to leave home before Alysha wakes up. I wish I could be there when she wakes, cuddle her in bed for a while, take her to the potty, have breakfast together and get her dress myself. But had a meeting at 9 and if I was late again (was late once last week) my boss would have a very nasty or sacarstic thing to say.

But I had loads o fun with her last night. Fixing puzzles, stringing beads and reading her books before bed. We laughed and laughed over a story where the elephant snores very loudly (that’s me) and wakes everyone up in the jungle. She loves that snore that comes out of me.

Then as she was just dozing off, her papa walks in to get his towels for a bath (really! Does he not know I am putting her to sleep and that she wakes up at the slightest sound). It turned out ok in the end though as she wanted to talk to her papa. I then took her out coz I figured she would sleep faster as she wont be wondering and asking me a zillion times, where is papa and who is outside and what’s the noise, etc. etc????

She wanted to play the minute we went out. A very stern “No” from me and with almost being close to tears she jumped into my arms and was asleep in 15 min. I fel very bad for raising my voice with the “No” but was so tired that just wanted her to go to bed so that I could sleep too.

I am worried that this might get worse if and when I have another child. I would be doubly tired and need to be doubly patient as well.

I am waiting for my meeting to start and all I am wondering about is whether my baby is up and missing me as much as I am missing her. What would she be thinking. Why is mama not here? I am after all the first thing she calls out for when she is awake. But on he other hand I think this instances makes her closer to Suben which makes me happy.


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