I am truely blessed and happy

Many of us think that happiness is not possible in the present moment. Most of us believe that there are a few more conditions that need to be met before we can be happy. This is why we are sucked into the future and are not capable of being present in the here and now. This is why we step over many of the wonders of life. If we keep running away into the future, we cannot be in touch with the many wonders of life -- we cannot be in the present moment where there is healing, transformation, and joy.

-- Thich Nhat Hanh

So go home and have a wonderful weekend with your loved ones and cherish each and every moment that you have with them without thinking about the future. It will bring you immence happiness.

As for me I am going home to cuddle up with Inarah and love every moment of it.
I miss Alysha and hubby though :) They have gone to Ipoh for a short holiday.

Have a great weekend !

Its all about having faith

Was just reading Lilian's blog. A very touching post on Vincent, the son she lost. This woman is truely a brave and courageous mother. She inspires me and keeps giving me the courage I need to deal with Inarah's condition.

I had said earlier that I have come into terms with Inarah's condition and have accepted it as God's will. I try so hard to accept it but honestly sometimes I do question it? All the "whys" keep comming into my head. Why me? why her? why? why? why? I feel sinful to question it but I can't help it.

Does this question my faith in God? Do I doubt him in any way? No, I dont. Its just that we humans need to rationalise everything, everything that happens or that does not. It's the way we have been thought. After all science is suppose to explain these things. Also probably due to our quest for knowledge, for knowing everything that happens in this world. Its difficult to give that up and accept the fact that somethings are unexplainable and sometimes there are no answers. After all HE is not answerable to us.

I just love what LIlian had writen here and I am reminded again that I must continue to have faith and submit to the will of God

"God is not answerable to us. He doesn’t owe us an answer why one person is healed through faith and thousands of innocent people died. This is earth, earth means sufferings and hardship. That’s why God promise a Heaven.The only people that I pity are those well-learnt ones who tried so hard to reason with their human minds. It amazes me how such scholarly people, who knows the Quran, To’rah and Bible, all in one, page by page, verse by verse chosed to spent their God given mind, questioning something that no one can answer. Isn’t that such a frustrating thing to do?"

I have put my Inarah in HIS hands. She was given to me by HIM and HE shall decide if she will be with us or in HIS arms. Meanwhile I will love her with all my heart and soul and just have faith.

I am also so afraid that I am not strong enough. Not strong enough to see through the surgery and pain that my baby will feel. I am not that strong. I can just pray that he give us the strength to see this through.

How does a mother deal with it?

Erin's baby just died. I have no words to describe how I feel about the whole thing. Nova had pulmunary atresia and went through a open heart surgery. Unfortunately there were many many complications. The poor boy went through a lot and fought real hard. But God decides on these things doesnt he?

I just cried my heart out in the toilet thinking about Inarah. How does a mother deal with something like this? How is she expected to deal with something like this? How?

Be strong Erin. My prayers are with you.

Here's the link for those who want to see the little boy.
http://poetic-acceptance.blogspot.com/

Would you let Fung Shui rule your life ?

My brother is a believer in Fung Shui and so is my mom. My mom started believing in it from the time she was diagnosed with cancer of the womb as the guy who my brother brought home said the position of the stove is not right and someone in this house will suffer from cancer of the womb or cervix. My mom has moved out from the house since. She had her cancer op 3 1/2 years ago and is well since, Alhamdullilah.

After Inarah was diagnosed with TOF, my brother insisted that I get that guy to check the house out after CNY. I refused and we compromised and agreed that the guy will come, he will not tell me anything but inform my brother his findings and brother will pay for it (only fair). He got the guy to check out my mom’s place as well.

So that took place sometime last month. Recently my mom has been quite unwell. She has gastric and palpitation of the heart which is caused by the gastric. She is being treated by a physician.

Anyway, my mom called yesterday and said they are moving house or rather actively looking for another place as she feels that her being sick has got to do with the bad fung shui of her current house (according to the fung shui guy) . She also managed to slip out in the conversation that my place too is really bad for me (thanks to my brother) and that I should also think of moving.

I have been living at my current apartment for the past 5 years and it’s the most convenient place for me at this point of time. We have purchased the property and cant imagine giving it out for rent to total strangers.

What am I saying here? What I am trying to say it how does it work? Fung Shui changes every year and so what; people are suppose to adjust their housing arrangements every year. How does Fung Shui determine how your life is going to turn out. I cant let it rule my life. I believe in God and fate and feel that some things are fated, others we can control through our action or inaction.

At the same time I can’t help thinking what if it’s true? What if that’s the reason for certain things turning out the way there are?

Sharing the love between the two

With Alysha, I spent every single of my free moment. Now with Inarah, my time is divided between the two. It can be very difficult to manage as I dont want Alysha to feel that she is being neglected in anyway because of a new baby. I keep reassuring her again and again that she will always be my very special baby. I must say its getting better and better. She loves her little sister. Loves cuddling her, kissing her, making her laugh and understands most of the time when mommy needs to be with Inarah to feed her or bath her. I hope it remains this way and gets better over time. Sometimes she is even possessive over Inarah, refusing to let papa, nani or kakak play with her. Seeja thinks maybe she does not like them playing with her and its her way of making sure thats she does not get the attention from them. Ummm, Could be!

But I feel sad for Inarah sometimes. I feel she does not get enough of me. As Alysha needs me still most of the time, I leave Inarah to be looked after by papa or the maid. It makes me very sad when I think about it. I feel that maybe she will not be as close to me as Alysha is and that makes me very sad and depressed sometime. But really I am doing the best I can. I hope she understands.

And thats the reason I feel very strongly about breastfeeding. More than anything else it build a very strong bond between the mother and child. Its even more important if the mom is working as I am. I breastfed Alysha till she was 2 and I hope I can do the same for Inarah.

I remember taking lost and lots of pictures of Alysha and did not want Inarah to be shortchanged. So took lots of pictures of her over the weekend. Here are some :

It's surely worth the effort

Had a fun filled weekend. Although I was having a mini argument with hubby I decided not to let it spoil my weekend. Went with Sri and Gitanjali to Trisha & Sasha for storytelling on Saturday. We went quite late so missed half of the first story and Alysha was a little too young for the second story. It didn't deter her from having fun though. She had her hand painted with beautiful butterflies and had a butterfly balloon.

After lunch it was nap time and then off to religious class. I decided that I didn't want to have too many outings with Alysha anymore over the weekends 'coz I feel really bad that I have to leave Inarah behind . So I decided to buy some art and craft stuff to do at home.

On Sunday, Sri couldnt make it to dance class so I decided not to take Alysha (also had no car). But we had soooooo much fun doing craft. And Inarah was such a good baby as she slept all though all this giving her sister the quality time she needed with me. Got some craft ideas from http://www.enchantedlearning.com/crafts/ thanks to Jenn.

I realise it just does not matter how much they can or cannot contribute. Her contribution was her hand prints which became the butterfly's wings and the duck's feathers. She also did some pasting as she loved the feeling of sticy glue on her fingers. And of course the gliter, that was all her contribution. The final product is gorgeous and she was so proud of it. They are now proudly stuck to the doors in my house.

Bottom line : Then just bumming around at home and watching Barney it so much more fulfilling and fun to do stuff like craft with your kids. It does take some effort but seeing the smile on their face makes you realise that its all worth it.

Enjoy thhe pitcures

I just love the butterfly

My happy baby with her artwork

In her own word "mama I forgot to smile"

Sisters having cuddle time after craft