Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Didn't mean to make her cry

Feeling really bad for making Sri feel this way. I didnt mean for her to cry. Oh God! I have been not the bestest friend either. I am so sorry. I haven really been around for her either, neither have I made an effort to get more involved in her life. Always busy with alysha or suben or work.

I feel like i have gained so much and yet lost out on so much since I had my daughter. Its really my own doing. I am just not good at balancing things in life. I feel guilty half the time as I cant be with my daughter, not only that, I think its my emotional need as well that she fulfills and so I spend all the free time I have with her. Then I have a husband who needs just as much if not more attention. I have been told that this is my doing as before I had alysha I used to manja him a little too much. But I really enjoyed doing that, then. So now when I spend most of my time with alysha, I get accused of not spending enough time with Suben. And so I try and focus back on him. And in juggling between the two and work, I have left everyone and everything else out.

I dont want to lose her. She is really a good friend. I love her dearly and I realy have to try harder.

I know I should call her now and speak to her but I dont think I can do that. Firstly, I am really bad at doing this , secondly I think I would cry and my boss wouldnt appreciate it :)

So I hope she reads this blog and my reply to her comment.

I love you Sri.

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